TiE FAQs Three Is Enough

May
15

TiE FAQs

Todd Hunter

Frequently Asked Questions

What’s the ultimate goal of TiE Group?
To assist people to routinely follow Jesus for the sake of others in the places they have the most organic and authentic community. For most people this is the workplace.

Where do you begin with a TiE Group?
Three is Enough With a vision to be a follower of Jesus and to live life in the Kingdom for the sake of others. Then, see if two others would like to work together toward that vision for their own life. People are really spiritually hungry these days for something real, something that works, and something that benefits others. Next agree on a Bible passage or some good literature to read and discuss. Begin to try to obey what you are reading. Note when and why you fail. Begin to help each other practice spiritual disciples that will help you succeed in your particular area of weakness—this will undoubtedly be different for each person in the group.

How do I explain the concept of a TiE Group?
You can go the 3isEnough blog for lots of explanation and language, but I would prefer you explain it simply in your own words, through your own passion and personality. At its simplest, a TiE Group is a means for helping people pursue spiritual transformation for the sake of serving others—which is God’s primary purpose for humanity.

How do I initiate the formation of a TiE group?
Review your most routine relationships. As you call those people to mind, ask yourself which ones seem to be seeking a deeper understanding of God and a more meaningful life. Next, tell them that you have noticed these traits in them; tell them about TiE Groups and ask them if they would like to participate. Suggest that you just try it for thirty days to see if it makes any real difference in their life. Maybe let them pick the first book, chapter of book or article to read.

How do I choose my group members?
First, look for people with at least a minimal amount of spiritual hunger—whether they self-identify as a Christian or not. Spiritual desire is crucial to functioning well in a TiE Group. In addition you could look for people for whom inclusiveness would be a great gift: a new person on the job, an immigrant, someone shy and on the margins, etc. If that is too socially uncomfortable for you, look whose company you would enjoy their company. Then ask God to help you over time be better with “the other” that now scares you a little. Most of us could use growth in the area of “the other”…and “the other” is right, smack dab in the middle of God’s heart…the heart he wants to grow in us.

Does a TiE Group have to be made up of just Christians?
No; non-Christians can participate if they are seekers after God and are open to the way of Jesus and the values and practices of a TiE Group.

How does one invite a non-Christian into a TiE Group?On one level the invitation should be as simple, no-pressure/lots of room to decline, and natural as inviting a Christian. On another level, I think I see your dilemma. The key thing I look for before inviting such a person is that they have demonstrated some openness to seeking God, or at least “the spiritual dimension of life” or something similar. A TiE Group is not formed for the direct purpose of evangelism—though evangelism will surely happen as people observe change in people’s lives and witness group members selfless, nothing-in-return service to others. So, make the invitation an enticement to join you on your journey to seek more of God, no matter the starting point (believer or not) of the one being invited.

Is there a program I need to follow?
No, just pray, grow, and serve others. The means a group brings to that three-fold focus will be as varied as our diverse contemporary society. There will be variety rooted in ethnicity, gender, age, worldview, etc. It is all good—if it is! I am not looking for conformity to some norm. The question you want to bring to your experience is this: does it help us become the cooperative friends of Jesus, who live consistent lives for creative goodness, for the sake of others through the power of the Holy Spirit?

How often do we meet a week?
I think once a week is best—and keep it short—just thirty to sixty minutes to check in with each other. Remember: we do not want to add a bunch of religious stuff to our lives; we simply want to help each other follow Jesus in the power of the Spirit for the sake of others.

How long does a TiE Group operate?
For as long as you wish. But with the transitory nature of our society you may have people coming and going though the group. Though a sense of community may be a common benefit of a TiE Group, creating community is not the goal. A community is what we already are: the body of Christ embedded in the larger societal community. A TiE Group gives a small bit of the body a way to practice Christian spirituality for the sake of others in the wider human community. So while we always miss our friends when they move for some reason, someone can always join the group and the group can keep going—or go with 2 people for an interim time. Don’t be slavish about this. Just be practical and do the best you can.

What happens as the group grows?
Ideally, it shouldn’t grow to more than four. As soon as a fifth person wants to join, make a new group: a “two” and a “three.”

Could we have 5 people in a group?
It’s not called “3” is enough for nothing! Just kidding…I think five is too many because it makes coordination, communication and dialog much harder. It also requires more leadership and brings more attention to the group, thus less attention to “the other” and to the practices. But try it…let’s see what we learn together!

How do 3 people avoid getting stagnate?
Three is Enough By having an outlet. It has been often said that the difference between the Dead Sea and the Sea of Galilee is that the SG has an outlet, the DS doesn’t. It is outlets, “otherlyness”, which will keep things fresh. A TiE Group is never to be primarily about itself. It is about the growth of its individual members, it is about serving others, and it is most importantly about God. The inner journey of spiritual transformation, the outer journey to serve others and the life-long pursuit of a conversational relationship with God ought to keep things fresh and interesting!

Do the people in these groups have to agree with the theological part of your book to participate?
No, theological agreement is not necessary. A common TiE Group could have a Catholic, a Pentecostal and Baptist. What is necessary is to agree on are the practices: Pray. Grow. Serve. We have enough we all agree on to do those things.

Can kids participate in a TiE Group?
Good question—I think so, but I am not an expert in childhood development, so I am not sure how old a child needs to be to engage with TiE practices. Can some one help us here? Is the right age “twelveish”—like Junior High School or…?

Leadership Issues

If I initiate the group, am I the de facto leader?
Three is Enough Yes, in a manner of speaking. When I say TiE Groups “do not need leadership” I don’t really mean “zero” leadership. I mean they require very little leadership. What they will call for is some minimal facilitation among three genuinely committed people. It just takes someone to take on nominal tasks: “where should we meet?” “When should we meet”? “What might we read?” Etc. This role of initiation could be shared or rotated every month or quarter, etc. Additionally, “leadership” could happen in a situational manner: someone may discover great reading material, or notice a person in need the TiE Group decides to serve; or a member may get a vision for a new missional ministry. If a TiE Group is working well, there will be plenty of group-based momentum to carry forward the three basic practices.

How do you initiate without being seen as the “leader” in a negative way?
The best way to avoid it is to share leadership. Announce your intentions and behave as if you have no intention to “own” or “control” the group. Let others make suggestions that guide the group, maybe even rotate leadership. “Leadership” is needed when a given task calls for moving people or an entity from one point to another; say a military exercise or getting a whole church to be more outreach oriented—something like that. In the case of a TiE Group, what is needed is more like facilitation; the act of bring something about, something as simple as a Birthday party for a colleague; to make something easier; to lower the threshold to getting something started. That is the kind of leadership which is appropriate to a TiE Group and it is the kind for which no worry is needed.

Is there a leader/initiator in a TiE Group that sets the focus for the group?
Yes, but very simply and gently so. I suggest starting out by listening, by asking the members of the group what they are thinking about concerning God and others, what their current challenges are regarding the faith and what are their most pressing questions about God. Then have a little discussion about the best place to start. Try to find something that fits the whole group. You might try Dallas Willard’s Hearing God. It is a great introduction to the kind of life the Bible envisions for us all.

How do we share the leadership in a TiE Group?
You could share it by rotating leadership on a calendar basis, say every month or every quarter. Or you could share it by task: one member focuses on prayer needs, lists, etc; another member on finding great stuff to read, and another on coordinating means of serving others. There are probably lots of other options: try anything that makes sense and let us know what you learn!

Church Issues

How does TiE not become just become another church program?
It has nothing to do with church, if by church you mean Sunday Services. Church meetings, no matter what form they take, have had and continue to have an important role in forming the people of God. Most any human endeavor has “meetings” associated with it: business group meet, sports teams meet, news teams meet before the broadcast, etc. But none of those people mistake the meeting for “the game”. TiE Groups give us a way to be in the game when the meeting is over.

How does a TiE Group connect to or interact with church life?
In my imagination a typical TiE Group would have three people from three different denominations. So they would connect with their church in all the normal ways. The TiE experience is designed to give rails to run on outside church.

Does a TiE Group take the place of church?
No; after gathering for church activities, it is a way of being the church “scattered” for its discipleship and missional activities.

Are TiE Group additions to church?
If you mean church “services”, then yes it is “in addition.” But if we think of the church as the sent people of God, it is not in addition, but right on target for God’s intention to have cooperative friends in the whole of our actual lives.

Do we call a TiE Group a church?
Since I have no authority to stop people from doing this, I assume it will happen with “…whenever three or more are gathered…”as its biblical basis. But I do not recommend it. I recommend not calling it anything unless you have to. I assume the vast majority of members of a TiE Group are already participants in a community of faith. A TiE Group is simply a way for us to encourage each other through prayer, reading and dialog to act like Christians in our real lives for the sake of serving others. I am not trying to start an alternative to church. My purpose is to unleash the church, to “light the tails of the foxes”, to give an imagination for being the people of God in the rhythms and routines of our actual present lives.

Issues Regarding Governance, Rules and Regulations

What can be done so that TiE is not another “new Christian thing?”
Don’t call much attention to the group. Don’t think of TiE Group as a program. Just pray, grow and serve. The only “program” here is learning to follow Jesus for the sake of others. That cannot be branded or owned—and TiE has no desire to do either.

Is there any Christian basis or guidelines for a TiE Group?
Yes. While non-Christians are welcome, TiE Groups represent a comprehensive attempt to follow God in the way of Jesus. A healthy, effective TiE Group will find its orientation in the story of God The Father in the Bible; it will find its precedents in the 2000 year-old people of God, and will find its animating power and guidance from the Holy Spirit. That Trinitarian and biblical value system ought to keep it on the rails. Anyone participating in a TiE Group will have to be comfortable with these values.

How do TiE group stay grounded in biblical truth?
By immersing themselves in the biblical story. I find The Message to be especially helpful in this regard. But “grounded-ness” is not simply a mental or intellectual reality—it is a practiced one. Therefore it is crucial to also “act out” the story one reads in the Bible.

If non-Christians can belong to a TiE Group, how do we avoid allowing a non-believer to dominate and try to take the group in unbiblical directions?
Three is Enough Remember, the group is not “a thing.” The practices—praying, growing and serving are the thing. Because of the basis by which one joins a TiE Group—following God in the way of Jesus, this should not happen often. If it begins to happen out of genuine ignorance, just have a conversation about it. If it persists you may need to re-form the group. Hey look: God himself has been either uninterested or unable to get the church to agree on everything! Why should I hope to do any better! Just keep “in the pale” of orthodoxy, do it for the sake of others, and we’re good!

In a TiE Group, how do you avoid slipping into “super spirituality” or exclusivity?
That is a great and important question! TiE values should keep us from it, but let me say a little more. Right at the core of God is inclusiveness: he spared no effort to include us in his family and work. Stay near to God and you’ll naturally and routinely stay far from exclusiveness. Also, “super spirituality” is self centered and self-referential—note the Pharisees. “Otherlyness”, which is right at the heart of a TiE Group, ought to take care of that!

What if a member of your TiE Group insists on using Christianity to inappropriately relate to others in the office? Or has another agenda?
Think of the very weirdest religious people you know—maybe on TV or something. Now on a more serious note, think of the worst atrocities ever committed by Christians in the name of God. Have you ever wondered why God allows such stuff to happen? I have wondered about that a lot…and I still don’t have an answer that fully satisfies my curiosity. I bring that up because it forms the basis for my answer to your question: actual TiE practices will never be perfect. We all do dumb stuff. That being said, I would gently talk to the person you describe. Maybe you could use the TiE values and ask that your TiE Group agrees to abide by them. It is sad to say, but if things get too bad, you may have disband your group and start again with just two people. There are lots of mistakes a TiE Group could make and recover from. It is amazing how forgiving people can be of sincere religious people’s mistakes. But becoming the office bully, the office nag or the office “prophet” is not something they forgive. That kind of behavior will kill a group. More importantly, it is bad for the cause of God and his Kingdom.

What if someone in our group tries to steer a TiE Group in another direction, away from the vision, values and practices?
I don’t know…sentence them to a life time of watching your least favorite religious TV! Simply, you just cannot let it happen. Go over the vision, values and practices again with the offending person. Remind them and yourselves that TiE is not the end-all and be-all of all things Christian, but it is that for which you have agreed to come together. Ask them if that is what they still want to do. If yes, make course corrections and go on. If no, lovingly let the person go do their thing and find a new person for the group—or go on as two for a while.

How can we assure worried people that a TiE Group is not a cult?
The best way is to not act like one! Then assurance will not be necessary! Okay; I’ll be serious now, it is true that when we begin to show great devotion to God and his purposes that friends and family may think we have “gone over board” or are acting “cult-like”. Sorry to say it, but the scriptures and history are clear that some of this is unavoidable—it is the cost of following Jesus. Having said that, make sure you stay clear of the marks of a cult negatively construed: over devotion to a single leader; cut off from the outside world; controlling others; weird outside-the-pale doctrines, etc.

How do these groups stay accountable?
How do they stay on track? My most fundamental trust is in God’s work in human beings through the power of the Holy Spirit. So mainly I trust the Sprit to keep me on track, the happenings of earth, cultures and nations on track—and thus a TiE Group on track. Maybe a simple way to have accountability and to stay on track is to use the three activities of a TiE Group: pray to the God revealed in Jesus and the Holy Scripture; read good literature, beginning with the Bible. Try out “The Message” version for a way to hear the scripture with fresh ears. Then read other authors who are widely acknowledged as expert guides in following God in the way of Jesus; serve others in relevant good-for-them ways; with complete altruism and humility; hidden if at all possible.

How do you know God is talking to you through this group?
There is only one way to learn to hear from God: trial and error within the context of a loving child-Father relationship. This is true for individuals, a TiE Group, a small group, congregations, etc. John Wimber used to say that “the guidance system of a rocket comes particularly into play when the rocket is off the launch pad, doing whatever it is rockets do”. A TiE Group can facilitate this learning curve because guidance from God comes primarily within a certain context: the simple heart intention to obey God—to be his cooperative friends. The BEST book I know on the topic is Dallas Willard’s Hearing God.

Miscellaneous Issues

What if you are working forty plus hours a week in a small area/company or even alone or no one else wants to be a part of a group?
Then begin the practices yourself. Ask God to show you someone you may have overlooked or to prepare someone to be with you. You can start with two people—and could even grow to four. I chose “three” just because it gives some variety but allows multiplication without a great deal of leadership training. Finding sophisticated leaders—even those capable of being good small group (10 -15 people) leaders is the main bottleneck and/or failure of most programs. I want to avoid this.

What distinguishes this type of group from a “mini” home group?
A TiE Group meets in the workplace or somewhere in one’s most natural place of community. Secondly, a TiE group has specific outcomes in mind—spiritual transformation and otherlyness—that are more focused than most, but not all, home groups.

Is there an expectation that these groups would multiply?
Yes—well at least I have that hope! As people get wind of what is happening with you, simply introduce them to the idea of a TiE Group, let them explore and then ask if you can help them get started. My vision is several TiE Groups quietly carrying on their practices in virtually any place of human endeavor.

Can internet relationships enter into this model?
I think so. If those internet relationships constitute your “everyday ordinary life” and if they can facilitate the three practices of TiE, then give it a try—let us know how it goes!

Could a TiE Group work in a larger community, say with fifty to 100 people?
Uh…no! It is “three” people! I say that playfully, but underneath the play are a couple of important issues. First, a TiE Group could be 2 or 4 people. I chose three because—well it just felt right. I also know I am standing on good ground, that others have used triads with good success. See the appendix in my book for samples. But Jesus sent people out in twos and that worked out okay! I can also see a group of four working okay. My main concern with smallness is that it can be humble and hidden, it can easily multiply and it does not need sophisticated leadership. Secondly, TiE is really a way of reading and embodying the biblical story; it is a set of values and practices based on that story. So of course any size group could take on the story, the values and the practices—but I’ll bet to actually practice them, they would have to do it by breaking down into smaller groups.

Can you be in more than one group?
I hadn’t thought of this, but I cannot see why not? Is this what you might mean: maybe a 55-year old has a TiE Group at work, but because they also live in an “active seniors” complex they also have a TiE Group there? Or a younger person who is a musician and plays clubs at night after work, or an athlete with a intense hobby after hours…sure—why not! Just don’t go so crazy with group meetings that the other practices go out the window.

What is the plan to keep TiE Group from being institutionalized?
I have no such plan yet—right now I am trying to get a few started! On the other hand, studying the theory of institutionalization has been a decade’s long hobby for me. I get what you might be worried about. But there is a clear historical pattern: no good idea that has ever really helped humanity did not at some point get institutionalized. If in a few years we’ve got 10s of thousands TiE Groups going around the world, let’s come back to this and sort it out.

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